Gods perfect timing

Well, so Ben and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary on April 28th. According to Natural Family Planning, we could conceive if we tried on that day. For the past 2 years I have been living in fear of becoming pregnant. The fact is, I LOVE being pregnant, but I feel that I fail miserably as a mother. You know, we are all our worst critic. But truly, I feel that I really fall way short than what I ever thought I'd be as a wife, mother and woman of God. So I have been so afraid. So afraid that I haven't been trusting God with my life. Ben and I decided to just let go of the chains that hold us (or rather me) to this fear, and we "told" God that we trust Him.

Well, we were excited. There was a freedom in there that I haven't in the past 9 years experienced. A freedom that comes with trusting God completely. Knowing that He is the author of our Lives. He is the one in charge. We have conceived 6 children in our 9 years of marriage, and 2 of those precious souls have gotten to Heaven before us. Each time we have conceived, we were "surprised" but blessed b/c we truly didn't think it was "that time" in my cycle. But God had/has bigger plans than those we can make for ourselves.


So, that being said, we ASSUMED that we would probably become pregnant, b/c "if we had gotten pregnant when we didn't think we could, of course we'd get pregnant when we could, right?!"

Well, so I'm not pregnant, And I have to say to God, "Lord, thank YOU for reminding me that YOU are the author of my/our lives. It is you, not I, who is in control. I feel that He blessed our openness to life and challenged us to truly continue to trust that HE knows what is BEST for us in the moment that we are living in...and that HIS perfect timing is always the best.

What does this mean for us? It means that no matter if we welcome another child into our arms this year, or next year, or never, that God has his hand on us and walks with us on this journey. And that we always need to remember to place that trust in Him...knowing that he never gives us more than we can handle..and he asks us not to have to succeed...but to at least try...

Blessings!