Thursday, October 14, 2010


Well, today I met a precious baby girl. But let me go back and tell you what God has been doing. In May 2009, my good friend miscarried a precious baby at 10 weeks. She and her husband "felt" it was a baby girl, and b/c they miscarried on the Feast of Our lady of Fatima, they named her Fatima. Well, then a little time passed and she became pregnant again, but once again, this soul was not meant for this world, and baby went home to Heaven. So then a little more time passed by, and my friend found out she was 7 weeks pregnant, which shocked her b/c she had been bleeding for several weeks.

Gods timing..Gods perfect timing...

So yesterday, on the Anniversary of the say the sun danced..the Miracle at Fatima, Portugal, this same friend delivered a bouncing baby girl..Lucia Maria...weighing 7.1 pounds, 18 inches is no coincidence that this precious child, this miracle baby, was born on a day that is so close to their parents hearts...a day that connects these precious souls..

Lucia is the name of the youngest of the 3 children that Mama mary appeared to in that is where they got the name from..and Maria of course for Mama Mary.

I am so blessed to be able to share this story..God might not be SO CLEARLY EVIDENT in all of our lives...but when He goes and does something like this..or gives us a rainbow at a precise moment...or even just ever so gently whispers "I am here" through a breeze...I cherish these moments and cling to them. For his grace is enough..we are never going to be left or forgotten...and how beautifully he carries us!

So, today I took my little Gemma to meet her...little Lucia Maria, and she looked like an angel. And just as we lost Moriah and were able to have Helena b/c of that loss, I stared into the heart of this precious baby girl...who is here b/c of the sacrifice of 2 souls who were called home to heaven before we would have liked...but so perfectly in Gods always!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Blessed and Broken

So I am borrowing this title from a dear friend of mine..right now I am feeling both blessed AND broken..I guess I should feel blessed BECAUSE I am broken. In any event, I am pretty broken right now and it is humbling and I need to really call on God more than ever during this time. That being said, I am going to go to a spiritual director for the first time since before I lost Moriah, almost 6 years ago. Rather humbling if I do say so myself. Not that I haven't found the "need" to go, but I am finally ABLE to go if that makes sense. I have been pushing it aside daily, thinking that "this too shall pass" and yes it will, but gosh, i am thinking "maybe it will pass faster, or with more peace, if I just reach out and let someone walk this road with me." Someone that is not my best friend or my husband. Someone who can give me an unbiased opinion and push me and I won't be offended.

So I will go this afternoon, and I am both excited for what God will do, but nervous b/c knowing me I will surely cry. I have been struggling but just trying to "brave the storm" and honestly that hasn't been working..for me, for my husband, or for my family. I stand before God now asking him to just hold me in the palm of his hand, b/c in the words of one of my favorite musicians Rich Mullins, "Hold me Jesus...cause I'm shaking like a have been King of my glory..won't you be my Prince of Peace." I pray for some peace in this restless, broken heart...

And I am reminded that stained glass is made up of thousands of broken pieces...but once placed back together, creates a masterpiece...Lord, make your light shine through this broken child.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Gods perfect timing

Well, so Ben and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary on April 28th. According to Natural Family Planning, we could conceive if we tried on that day. For the past 2 years I have been living in fear of becoming pregnant. The fact is, I LOVE being pregnant, but I feel that I fail miserably as a mother. You know, we are all our worst critic. But truly, I feel that I really fall way short than what I ever thought I'd be as a wife, mother and woman of God. So I have been so afraid. So afraid that I haven't been trusting God with my life. Ben and I decided to just let go of the chains that hold us (or rather me) to this fear, and we "told" God that we trust Him.

Well, we were excited. There was a freedom in there that I haven't in the past 9 years experienced. A freedom that comes with trusting God completely. Knowing that He is the author of our Lives. He is the one in charge. We have conceived 6 children in our 9 years of marriage, and 2 of those precious souls have gotten to Heaven before us. Each time we have conceived, we were "surprised" but blessed b/c we truly didn't think it was "that time" in my cycle. But God had/has bigger plans than those we can make for ourselves.

So, that being said, we ASSUMED that we would probably become pregnant, b/c "if we had gotten pregnant when we didn't think we could, of course we'd get pregnant when we could, right?!"

Well, so I'm not pregnant, And I have to say to God, "Lord, thank YOU for reminding me that YOU are the author of my/our lives. It is you, not I, who is in control. I feel that He blessed our openness to life and challenged us to truly continue to trust that HE knows what is BEST for us in the moment that we are living in...and that HIS perfect timing is always the best.

What does this mean for us? It means that no matter if we welcome another child into our arms this year, or next year, or never, that God has his hand on us and walks with us on this journey. And that we always need to remember to place that trust in Him...knowing that he never gives us more than we can handle..and he asks us not to have to succeed...but to at least try...


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Saturday, March 27, 2010

SO the first posts were retyped today, March 26, 2010, so that I could begin this blog. These were emails that I sent out when I was 7 and a half months pregnant. Since the time that we lost Moriah, on Feb. 2, 2005, much has happened in our lives. But the 2 biggest things have been:

*The birth of Helena Mercy...born on Feb. 2, 2006, exactly 1 year to the day that we lost our Moriah Faith. Helena was born at the hour of Mercy! We found out 3 days later that St. Faustinas birth name was "Helena" ...and we chose the name "Mercy" b/c of the Lords mercy on us...and so Helena is our "Divine Mercy baby"

*Then on Feb. 2, 2008, 3 years to the day after having Moriah Faith, we delivered Gemma Charity...She is named after St. Gemma Galgani and Mother Teresa (Missionaries of CHARITY)...

The Lord has had His hand in all of this...He continues to guide us. As Ben and I approach the 9th anniversary of our becoming Husband and wife (April 28th) I can't help but think back at all the joys and sorrows that this life have contained...and I stand in awe of the awe of His grace that truly gets us through every moment. Every joy..every sorrow...every moment of pain, anger or frustration...every moment is from with because of Him....He is moving mountains in My life....I pray that he moves in your lives...or rather, that you SEE how He moves in your life...
February 4, 2005

Hello Everyone,

Ben and I want to thank all of you for your prayers! At 1:08pm Friday afternoon, we delivered the most beautiful baby girl, weighing 4 pounds 5 oz...tiny tiny, but just like her big sister Hannah, she had BIG feet! Ha! She looks a lot like both of her big sisters, but mostly like Hannah, which is neat!

We just have to share that the Peace and Love that overflowed in that room was a witness to us and a beautiful reminder of the presence of God. His peace surpasses all understanding. It was nothing less that a miracle To know that she was looking down at us and praying for us to have peace when we delivered her earthly body was unreal and a source of strength for us. Ben said it best when he said that this is our goal as parents, to be open to life, embrace it, and lead our children to Heaven. And how blessed we are that we never have to worry about any one ever hurting our sweet Moriah, and that someday she will welcome US HOME! Wow! That helps us in our moments of missing her, which I know are not over!

But know that your prayers have brought us such strength and we are so blessed to have all of you! We laugh at the energy she had and are blessed to think of the days when daddy was so convinced she was a boy b/c of the strength in her kicks. Her energy was so plentiful that she managed to swim herself in a directions, which created a knot in her umbilical cord...and not only that, but she also managed to get herself tangled up in it, which ultimately lead to her going Home to our Fathers House. Ben also said it best today when he said that she was restless in this world and ready to be HOME in HEAVEN, It is moments and thoughts like these that just confirm the Lords hand in all of this!

God bless you all! Please keep praying for us, as I know there will be moments when our "humanness: gets the best of us...

Love...Ben, Maria, Hannah and Michaela

Moriah Faith

Feb. 2, 2005

Hello Everyone,
Well, it is Wednesday evening on the day of the Presentation of our Lord, and we are e-mailing with prayer requests. Today, on a regular pregnancy check up, we found out that our little girl, Moriah Faith, has returned to our Heavenly Father. Some time last night we think, her umbilical cord wrapped around her precious neck and there was no way of us knowing until today. We are asking for prayers, especially tomorrow (Thurs evening) as we will go to the hospital at 7pm and they will begin to induce me. Most likely, it will be in the late morning on Friday that I will deliver her. Our hearts are trying to take this all in, and it still feels very surreal, especially because I can look down and she is still right here physically, though her little soul is already at our Heavenly Fathers side.

Ben just found out today (after a few months of me knoning) that she is a girl. We had already decided on "Moriah Faith" if she was a girl, from the Book of Genesis chapter 22, when God called Abraham to the Land of Moriah and Abrahams faith saved Isaac. We feel that the Lord has called us to once again trust in His will and have Faith in His plan, and feel that we have sacrificed our little one and are presenting her to our Lord today just as Jesus was presented.

We love you all and truly appreciate your prayers. Especially tomorrow and Friday as I imagine that it is going to be the hardest part...meeting our precious Moriah and then having to say good-bye. My heart aches when I think of that but also rejoices that our little one is where we all long to be, in His Heavenly Kingdom.

Ben, Maria, Hannah,Michaela and Moriah