Blessed and Broken

So I am borrowing this title from a dear friend of mine..right now I am feeling both blessed AND broken..I guess I should feel blessed BECAUSE I am broken. In any event, I am pretty broken right now and it is humbling and I need to really call on God more than ever during this time. That being said, I am going to go to a spiritual director for the first time since before I lost Moriah, almost 6 years ago. Rather humbling if I do say so myself. Not that I haven't found the "need" to go, but I am finally ABLE to go if that makes sense. I have been pushing it aside daily, thinking that "this too shall pass" and yes it will, but gosh, i am thinking "maybe it will pass faster, or with more peace, if I just reach out and let someone walk this road with me." Someone that is not my best friend or my husband. Someone who can give me an unbiased opinion and push me and I won't be offended.

So I will go this afternoon, and I am both excited for what God will do, but nervous b/c knowing me I will surely cry. I have been struggling but just trying to "brave the storm" and honestly that hasn't been working..for me, for my husband, or for my family. I stand before God now asking him to just hold me in the palm of his hand, b/c in the words of one of my favorite musicians Rich Mullins, "Hold me Jesus...cause I'm shaking like a leaf..you have been King of my glory..won't you be my Prince of Peace." I pray for some peace in this restless, broken heart...

And I am reminded that stained glass is made up of thousands of broken pieces...but once placed back together, creates a masterpiece...Lord, make your light shine through this broken child.

blessings
maria